Send in the Gurkhas
With reference to the snippet that an IKEA store has resorted to hiring four Gurkhas to restore law and order in the car park, a couple of stories spring to mind that underline just how foolish any wouldbe criminal must be if they intend to mess about with the Gurkhas.
The first comes from Robert Graves' memoir Goodbye to all that, a reflection of his service in the Royal Welch Fusiliers during WWI. From memory, he said that one trooper, on being told by a regimental cook that jam was being given out only to those who could prove they had killed a German, had returned promptly the next morning with a sack that contained a German head and helmet. The kick being that the camp was five miles behind the front.
The second comes from John Masters' book Bugles and a Tiger. Masters was an officer in a Gurkha regiment, and tells the story of how, again during WWI
A British battleship, lights out, abristle with fourteen-inch guns, moved slowly up the heavily defended Suez Canal early in 1915. The officer on watch heard a small voice shouting from the land. At length he understood the voice to be saying "Halt! Who-go-dah?"
The officer did not reply. The voice then said "Halt or I fire!" The battleship switched on a searchlight, which illuminated one Gurkha rifleman standing on the bank. His rifle was pointed at the side of the battleship. The battleship stopped; its captain sent an urgent message for help; and the strategic movements of the Royal Navy sttod still while an officer of Gurkhas was found to tell the sentry that the battleship could pass. At last the Gurkha shouted "Pass friend, all's well," and lowered his rifle. The battleship glided on, with a thousand British sailors cheering and laughing.
Gurkhas? Don't mess.