Wednesday, September 12, 2007

We are all idiots

Nigella - because I can
So, in another contender for the most useless way in which our mmoney is being squandered, a new Government study has been published that examines the style of English used in cookbooks. First things first - what the bloody hell are they playing at? What on earth makes them think we should be paying for their opinions on the literary styles of chefs? Secondly, the report is really the most astonishingly patronising rubbish.
They may look easy enough, but the recipes of Nigella Lawson and Delia Smith are actually very tricky to follow, a Government study has found.
Crikey! How tricky?
The long sentences, complex measurements and complicated words mean aspiring chefs must be equipped with GCSE standard reading and numeracy skills in order to understand them.
GCSE reading eh? Positively prohibitive standards of literacy required then.
According to the research, Gordon Ramsay's language is so easy to read that his cooking methods could be followed by a seven-year-old.
He'd have to be a particularly profane seven year old I'd have thought. The point appears to be that while male chefs like Ramsay or Jamie Oliver concentrate on making their recipes as straightforward as humanly possible, presumably so that men will be able to follow them, Nigella Lawson and Delia Smith are criticised for, God help me, having too many different stages to her instructions and using unnecessary adjectives. Lord preserve me from unnecessary adjectives.
Some fathead from the Plain English campaign (who should clearly be drizzled with aromatic olive oil, and then slow roasted over a medium flame for approximately 1 hour and 25 minutes, basting occasionally) spouted the following fatuity:
People just want to know how to cook a basic recipe without all the little anecdotes. Sometimes chefs are guilty of trying to tart up a very easy recipe by adding a few adjectives here and there to make it look more difficult.
This is clearly why Nigella Lawson's Nigella's Express is currently Amazon's best selling title.

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2 Comments:

Blogger Fidothedog said...

According to the research, Gordon Ramsay's language is so easy to read that his cooking methods could be followed by a seven-year-old.

I can see it now..."Dad what does Fucking knobgobbler mean?"

Only New Labour could fail education and now claim that cookery books need to dumb down.

4:20 pm  
Anonymous Cleanthes said...

GCSE standard numeracy????

Now either the GCSE is SERIOUSLY dumbed down or Delia has been doing the following:

You need one litre of water placed in a regular cyclindrical pan. The water should be 2" deep. Work out how wide the pan needs to be yourself

OR

"The number of eggs needed for this recipe is x. The quantity of flour in ounces is y.

4x - y = 9 and 2x - 3y = -23"


Or even:

"A slice of cake is a triangle with two of its sides being 6cm and 5cm in length. These sides meet with an angle of 150 degrees. Work out how many sq cm paper it will cover."

Alternatively, the Govt can't bring itself to report that you need primary school maths in order to be able to use a cookbook.

I've no idea which it could possibly be...

11:58 pm  

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